Fifty Shades of Grey

I have to start by saying I was not a fan of the books. Not by a long shot. Probably the most poorly written book I have read as an adult I had to check a few times I hadn't read the same chapter twice based on how repetitive it was. I didn't even make it onto the second or third book. I thought ''if I have to read the words ''my inner goddess'' one my time I swear to god...'' so decided against it. Having said that I hoped the film was going to be worth the hype. Typically movie adaptations of books are always pretty poor but I figured the fact the book was dire to begin with the film can't be much worse. I was wrong.

Now I realise the premise for the books/movie is a touchy subject in itself. If there is one thing I will say to defend it is that actually the main character Ana is fully consenting to all the kinky stuff that happens to her. I know many domestic violence charities are up in arms about ''glamorising domestic violence'' but I think that's the least of the film's worries. BDSM is relatively mainstream these days (sorry dad) and what happens between consenting adults in the privacy of their bedroom is pretty much their business. Ana is fully consensual so I don't feel that's the issue.

For me, the issue is how Ana is as a person outside the red room of pain. (cringed to death typing that). This girl needs to be rescued in every possible scenario. I took my poor-long suffering boyfriend to watch this with me and even he was thought the way she was portrayed was borderline insulting to women. Not to mention the hilarity of her having an orgasm the second Christian touches her arm. I mean come on. I've read interviews with Dakota Johnson (who plays Ana) who describes her as being '' a strong independent woman'' and I find that statement more laughable than the scene where she refuses anal fisting. Ana is the stereotypical weak ''Disney princess'' type character that requires a man to rescue her constantly. While enduring the odd spanking to satisfy this weirdo's needs. What kind of message is that? I'll let you spank me/buy me lavish gifts while you save me from being a poor little woman incapable of looking after myself. I'm female after all.

I'm no psychologist but it's pretty clear to anyone that Christian Grey is bat-shit crazy. It's supposed to be a part of his appeal presume. A self-made billionaire at the age of 27 who supposedly knows his way around the female form so well he can cause Ana to climax at the slightest touch. Come on now. Let's be real. It takes most men decades to get good at that (sorry dad). Aside from his penchant for wanting to hurt women he's a crazy one-eye-bigger-than-the-other stalker who if existed in real life would have more restraining orders against him than he would notches on his bedpost. How any woman can find this character appealing is a mystery to me. Yes he's moderately attractive but the idea of a guy tapping your phone, letting himself into your house and selling your car for you without your consent is pretty messed up. What woman on earth would want that? Even in a fantasy scenario? Jesus Christ get a grip people.

Overall this film was pretty hilarious but in a ''laughing at it not with it'' type way.  Ana still has a flip phone for Christ sake. It's 2015. The sex scenes were relatively artistically done with a decent soundtrack to distract you from the lack of chemistry between the two leads. The whole thing was pretty wooden, if you can excuse the pun. The entire film could be condensed into 20 minutes as the script is about 50 words long. Consisting of ''laters baby'', ''stop biting your lip'' and ''have you signed the contract yet?'' over and over again.

The one thing I will say however (and anyone who's read the books will understand), I'm glad they skipped the scene where Mr.Grey removed Ana's tampon for her. I count myself lucky I didn't have to witness that on the big screen in a room full of horny middle-aged women. Yikes.

Have you seen the movie? What did your inner goddess make of it?

The beauty scenario tag

Yay a tag post! I eat sleep breathe make up so having an excuse to write a post purely dedicated to it is perfect. I was tagged by the beautiful Esther !

1) You have to get rid of all your foundations and keep one high-end and one drug store. Which do you keep?
Tough one. I have to admit in recent months I've been having an exclusive relationship with high-end foundations only and don't actually own anything else...saying that if I had to pick one based on past experience it would be Rimmel Wake Me Up Foundation. Pretty decent for a fiver! Out of my high-end options it would have to be the newest edition to my makeup bag - NARS Sheer Glow in shade Barcelona. Light enough that it can used daily (unlike MAC Studio Fix) but good enough coverage for nights out. The lack of SPF is also great for nights out and relentless selfie-taking. Failing that any of the 3 in the photo below would suffice.

2) You go for an interview and the lady interviewing has lipstick on her teeth. Do you approach the subject or ignore it completely?
Christ. First and foremost if someone had lipstick on their teeth it's one of the first things I'd notice. Downside of being an overly observant person is always spotting things you'd rather not notice, as it means it's all you can think about/stare it for the duration of the conversation. I'd personally try ignore it all together and then tell her to read my blog post - 7 things more embarrassing than getting lipstick on your teeth. That should get the message across.

3) You're not feeling yourself and need a pick me up lipstick. Which do you go for?
This again is tough. When you own enough lipstick to paint the entire front of Notre Dame there are quite a few options. Having said that a stand out winner for me is MAC's Rebel. A rich purple shade it looks dark red on me but I always get compliments on it. Not really appropriate for everyday wear but is a firm favourite of mine for nights out.

4)You go back in time to your teenage years, how do you do your hair and makeup differently? 
This list is endless. Dear 15 year old Natassia:
1- Do not dye your hair black for Christ sake
2- Wear foundation that actually matches your neck not 4 shades darker
3- Step away from the pink & green eye shadow combo
4- Don't attempt to dye your hair blonde by yourself. It will go orange. Anyone that went to high school with me will remember this epic life fail

5) You ask your hairdresser for a shoulder length Pixie Lott hair cut but they hear wrong and give you a pixie cut, what do you do? A) Smile, say thanks, leave and call your mum crying hysterically. B) Cry in the chair and things get awkward. C) Complain to the manager and demand a refund. D) None of the above
I'll avoid confrontation by any means necessary so I'm definitely the type of person to pretend I love it then go home and have a nervous breakdown and write angry tweets about it.

6) Your friend surprises you with a 4 day city break and you have one hour to pack. Which ‘Do It All’ palette do you pack in your make up bag?

I'm not big on eyeshadow - in fact I barely own any. I did however cave in and buy Urban Decay's Naked 2 Palette a couple of months ago which is what I'd take just in case. Very wearable colours I'm pretty fond of this palette.

7) Your house has been robbed – don’t worry, everyone is safe – but your beauty stash has been raided. What’s the product you really hope is safe?
My perfume collection. Easy. 

8) Your friend borrows make up and returns it in an awful condition. Do you: A) Pretend you haven’t noticed B) Ask them to repurchase it C) Secretly do it back to their make up

One of the benefits of having naturally beautiful friends is they don't want to borrow any of my makeup. If they did and returned it in awful condition I'd just buy it again and never ever let them borrow anything in the future. 1 strike and you're out betches. 

I tag my beautiful cousin Jess!

The drunk girl's guide to makeup removal

It's all very well writing endless posts about what make up to wear, but half the battle is taking it off at the end of the day. Having used everything from baby wipes to Liz Earle I've finally found a cost-effective solution to makeup removal, especially tricky mascara that usually leads to panda eyes in the morning.

I am notoriously slack for removing my makeup after a night out. I will always manage to brush my teeth, but due to the fact my skin has always been pretty unproblematic I often can't be arsed to spend 10 minutes removing 35 layers of mascara and eyelash glue after 11 rounds of cocktails.

Cue Garnier Micellar Cleansing Water. This stuff is incredible. A tiny bit on some cotton pads removes all my makeup and doesn't sting my eyes at all which is often a problem with other eye makeup removers. I've had some absolutely horrific reactions to other more high-end products so the fact I'm not blind in the morning is actually a victory in itself.

Garnier is a skincare brand I trust. Although not exactly premium I don't mind paying a fiver for any of their products and I've never had a bad experience. I should probably mention that I have pretty normal skin so I can be quite flexible with the range of products I use. I don't find this remotely drying on the skin, although saying that I wouldn't say its overally hydrating either (despite what the bottle says.) Typically, unless absolutely obliterated by vodka I'll always moisturise after use.

The great thing about this as opposed to other alternatives is there's no rinse required afterwards. So basically, after a night of cocktails makeup removal can be done in 30 seconds before you pass out, no trying to stand/balance over the sink while you do it. 4 cotton pads with this stuff on will remove a full face of makeup pretty easily allowing you to let your skin breathe while you sleep off the Mojitos. It will also prevent you waking up to a bright orange and black pillow, which is an added bonus.

I've been using this for about 6 months now and it's never caused me to breakout and I'm pretty confident in it's ability to cleanse the skin as well as removing tough eye makeup.

As for the Micellar market, it's becoming increasingly saturated with all sorts of companies developing their own, but for £4.99 from Boots you can't go wrong.  So now you know. The best way to remove makeup after a night out is to actually take it off, who knew?